American Association for Physician Leadership

Problem Solving

What to Do After an Uncomfortable Conversation with a Co-Worker

Harvard Business Review

July 16, 2019


Summary:

Having a difficult or uncomfortable discussion with a coworker can be troubling, especially when you're trying to figure out how to process afterwards. These tips from Harvard Business Review can help.





What to Do After an Uncomfortable Conversation with a Co-Worker

When you find yourself in the aftermath of a discussion gone bad, follow these steps to salvage the relationship.

We all experience conversations that lead us to regret our words and elicit negative reactions from colleagues, prompting a negative spiral that can seem hard to reverse.

Here are five steps for remedying a conversation gone wrong:

ACKNOWLEDGE YOUR MISTAKE: Arrange a meeting with the other person. Acknowledge what you did wrong, then say you’d like to discuss the incident to figure out how to avoid the negative behavior in the future. Give your colleague space to process what you’ve said. When you promptly call out your mistake, your co-worker will see you’re willing to work on your weaknesses.

APOLOGIZE AND BE GRATEFUL: After apologizing, thank your colleague for her good intentions. Be specific: “I’m sorry I interrupted you and never gave you a chance to finish presenting your idea. Thank you for bringing new ideas to our meetings.”

HIGHLIGHT THE OVERALL GOAL: Don’t dwell on the conversation that went badly. Work together to identify a common purpose that you’re both motivated to achieve.

CREATE SHARED CUES: Strategize to avoid future mishaps. For example, give the other person permission to alert you in some way if you find yourself getting heated during a meeting.

CONTRIBUTE TO THE RELATIONSHIP BANK: Regenerate trust and accelerate the healing process by asking for and providing small favors . By requesting your colleague’s help, you make yourself vulnerable and demonstrate that you value her contributions. And when you provide help or favors, you build mutuality — a precursor to trust.

Copyright 2018 Harvard Business School Publishing Corp. Distributed by The New York Times Syndicate.

Harvard Business Review

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With approximately 450 employees, primarily based in Boston, with offices in New York City, India, and the United Kingdom, Harvard Business Publishing serves as a bridge between academia and enterprises around the globe through its publications and multiple platforms for content delivery, and its reach into three markets: academic, corporate, and individual managers. Harvard Business Publishing has a conventional governance structure comprising a Board of Directors , an internal Executive Committee , and Business Unit Directors.



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