The New Phone Call Etiquette: Text First and Never Leave a Voice Mail

Abstract

The telecommunications explosion has proven disruptive in many ways, not the least of which is the definition of acceptable telephone etiquette. From Baby Boomers to Z, Alpha and Beta, there is much confusion and frustration over the unwritten rules. This Washington Post piece wrote down some of those unwritten rules:

• Don’t leave a voice mail – Just text. Most people use voicemail transcription these days, so they’ll likely read your words anyway. Reserve voicemails for people who would always love to hear your voice.

• Text before calling – People often feel stressed by an unexpected call. Avoid curt texts that might imply urgency — for example, “Call me.”

• You don’t need to answer the phone – It’s no longer considered rude to reject a call, place your phone on “do not disturb” or enable an automated text to the caller explaining that you “can’t” pick up at the moment.

• Emotions are for voice; facts are for text – A good rule of thumb for deciding between voice or text. Emotional text messages are too easy to misinterpret.

• Unless it’s an emergency, please hold – Don’t immediately redial someone who didn’t pick up. Send a clear text message to inform them of the urgency or emergency.

• Use video voice mails judiciously – It may be fun and silly, but not every recipient wants your voicemail in the form of a FaceTime call.

• Stay still for video calls – Moving around while only showing your nose and forehead makes video calls insufferable — even disorienting. Set the phone up like a nice “selfie,” and sit there until you’re done.

• Don’t use speakerphone in public – Period!

• Start screening calls again – A new feature in iOS 17 allows real-time voicemail transcription. You can read the voicemail while the person speaks it. It’s reminiscent of the old days, listening to the answering machine in the next room.

• Don’t stop talking on the phone – Phones are still a wonderful way to communicate. Don’t let the technology create one more barrier between real human interaction.

Expert Commentary

Telephones had been around a little over 100 years when cellular systems emerged in the 1990s. Bell reported its network to have 133,692 phones in 1880. Today, there are more than two mobile devices for each of the planet’s 8.2 billion people. We live in a world where the phrase, “I’ll be away from the phone,” seldom makes sense. It shouldn’t be surprising that the old rules for telephone etiquette have been obliterated by new technology.

Of course, a fair amount of “proper” etiquette depends on the age of the telephone user. Baby boomers may still remember things like, the person who initiated the call should be the one to end the call as well. They may remember it used to be impolite to call during mealtime or after 9:00 pm, or that good manners required you to answer every call. A boomer might be surprised to learn that it’s more polite to text before calling.

The most difficult part of today’s phone etiquette might be in choosing the proper channel for communicating. Some individuals prefer texting over talking and send a text laced with strong feelings — positive or negative. When the recipient has to infer the “tone” of a text message, misunderstanding becomes likely. When we want to be clear in how we feel about something, we need more than emojis. We need to hear the caller’s voice.

The opposite can be true, as well. When we make a phone call when a text will do, the person on the other end of the line might try to read something extra into the conversation. They might interpret it as urgent, or they might guess you don’t trust them to handle a text message.

Love ‘em or hate ‘em, you really can’t avoid being saturated with messages of all kinds coming directly to you on a 24/7 basis. We might as well learn the rules du jour, and adapt to the latest social norms.

Source: The New Phone Call Etiquette: Text First and Never Leave a Voice Mail, Heather Kelly, The Washington Post, September 25, 2023; https://www.washingtonpost.com/technology/2023/09/25/cell-phone-etiquette-call-voicemail/