What we think about and what we say are critically important. Words have incredible power. When you speak it, even whisper it to yourself, you can become what you say. Your life moves in the direction of your words.
You have to say it before you will see it.
You can’t talk defeat and expect victory.
You can’t be negative and expect to live a positive life.
A poor mouth equals a poor life.
If you want to succeed, you have to be your own cheerleader. You can’t let other people’s negative voices about you or your workplace drown out your own internal positive thoughts.
Go ahead — dare to declare it! Words are like seeds that we plant in the ground. Once spoken, they begin to take root within us, and over time, we will become what we are saying.
Don’t use words to describe a situation; use words to change the situation. Especially during difficult times, it’s easy to talk about the problem, but talking about it makes it bigger than it needs to be. Stop talking about the problem and start talking about the plan. Instead of “I didn’t get the promotion,” say, “One door closes, and another will open.” In other words, don’t talk about the problem; talk to the problem. “I see what the situation is, and this is what I’m going to do about it.”
This approach is related to neurolinguistic programming, a self-improvement system introduced by Richard Bandler and John Grinder in their 1975 book The Structure of Magic I. The idea is that you can rewire your brain and get it on a positive track by speaking affirmatively, out loud, and with other behavioral techniques. It’s a complicated methodology, but the gist of it is that by modeling what you aspire to be, you can become what you want to be. If you want to become a leader, then start talking and acting like one. Obviously, you can’t just march around and give people orders; what we’re talking about is a state of mind and an attitude. Set your sights on a future desired state and behave as if you’re already there.(1)
Many people have diarrhea of the mind; they are trapped in the drama they create and not in the world they’re living in. If you go to the gym, pick up a five-pound weight, and do bicep curls, no matter how strong you are, if you do them long enough, your arm will hurt. If you never stop flexing your bicep, even a small weight can cause pain and eventual discomfort. The same is true with your mind. If thoughts keep coming and coming and coming, no matter how strong you are, if you don’t take a break, you eventually will get a headache and feel burned out.
How do you address this? When you have diarrhea of the gut, we all know things can get bad quickly. The first thing you do is stop eating. Generally, this is followed by rest and a few trips to the toilet.
When you have diarrhea of the mind, you are unable to control your mind, your thoughts, and your emotions, and what you say will reflect this shortcoming. You say things that hurt others, and your mind gravitates to the negative. The treatment for this negativity consists of these six steps:
Stop talking. As the slang expression goes, “Zip it!” Not every thought you have in your mind needs to take shape in your mouth. For the moment, restrict your speaking only to communications that are absolutely necessary. Appreciate the value of each word you utter.
Listen. People who are insecure often confuse listening with acceptance. They are two very different things. You can listen to another person and understand what they say without agreeing with them or abandoning your own beliefs. Listening is not a sign of weakness; it’s actually a sign of strength. If you say to someone who seems to be adversarial, “I will listen to what you have to say,” your act can calm them down and make them less afraid and, therefore, more comfortable listening to you.
Be patient as you listen. Let the other person finish. Inspirational author and speaker Simon Sinek advises, “There is a difference between listening and waiting for your turn to speak.”Take a rest. Let the waters grow still and the dust settle. Consider your own thoughts. Do they make sense? What is their intention: to heal or to injure? To make yourself look enviable in the eyes of others or to elevate others? Think about what’s most important to you. Do you really need to win an argument or insist that your point of view prevail?
Ask yourself why you feel the way you do. Each of us develops a point of view based on our own experiences, often going back to when we were children. We all have biases, many of which are harmless but some of which can be destructive. The destructive biases can make agreements impossible and can distort our perspective. It takes maturity and wisdom to look in the mirror and tell yourself that you understand and accept the reality of your own biases, and pledge to try to minimize their impact on how you relate to other people.
Have empathy. Just as you should ask yourself why you feel the way you do, it’s just as important to ask yourself why the other person might feel the way they do. Consider your thoughts from an opposing viewpoint. Since no two people on the planet are the same, it’s more than likely that your perspective will differ from that of other persons. To illustrate, let’s say your manager is in a foul mood and snaps at you for what you consider a minor error. Your first emotional response might be to think, “What a jerk! That’s the last time I’m ever going to make an extra effort for him — or for this lousy company!” Instead, you take a deep breath and center yourself and recognize this truth: When another human being lashes out at you, they are doing nothing other than revealing their own inner pain. Think of reasons why your manager might be uptight. Is he under pressure from his boss? Remember, every person who draws a paycheck has a boss — even the CEO, who must answer to the board and the shareholders. Does she have a personal issue at home? Even though employees are supposed to leave their personal problems at the door, we’re all human, and it can be difficult to keep your mind off some issue outside of work. Does he have a deadline or task that he’s worried about? Has she gotten a bad report?
Then think about this: Aside from your wounded pride, have you suffered any injury? This is not to say that anyone should be expected to accept poor treatment, but people who succeed in this world are able to step back, see a situation objectively, and not take offense when someone reveals their personal pain.Offer positivity. When you speak, it’s easy to point out all the imperfect, thoughtless, and damaged things in the world. Identifying a problem is the first step toward solving it. To point to it without offering a solution is, in many ways, worse than saying nothing. Use your voice as an instrument to bring positive change to the world. Offer encouragement and praise and stay focused on the future.
This article has revealed how you can make changes within yourself to keep working happy and avoid becoming burned out. Your inner changes should always be for the betterment of you, your family, and your community. As human beings, we’re actually much more flexible and adaptive than we give ourselves credit for, which is a good thing.
Excerpted from Working Happy! How to Survive Burnout and Find Your Work/Life Synergy in the Healthcare Industry (American Association for Physician Leadership, 2024).
Reference
Robbins T. Neuro-linguistic programming techniques. Tony Robbins blog. www.tonyrobbins.com/leadership-impact/nlp-techniques/